I have to go there. Every parent of twins that I’ve talked to over the last year says that one year is a huge milestone with their twins and for them as parents. I have to say, for me, it’s completely surreal. I can’t believe it’s already been a year, and at exactly the same time, it’s been so completely full that I can’t believe it’s ONLY been a year. But on Tuesday, it was. It was exactly a year. Happy birthday to Granger and Finn.
Our poor guys had runny noses and teething pain and fevers on and off all day. Not a fun way to spend their first birthday, but at least they don’t know what a birthday is yet, so they weren’t disappointed.
As a couple Tommy and I constantly look back on how our life has changed since xy or z happened. It’s one of those things we almost invariably do while sitting in the car chatting.
“Can you believe last year at this time we didn’t even know we were going to have twins?!”
“Last year at this exact moment my water broke.”
“Five years and two months ago is when we said our family blessing for the first time and ate dinner for the last time as a family of three.”
I guess we’re both sentimental about that sort of thing, and it helps us both to see where we were to put in perspective where we are. Anyway, so this is a sort of blog post version of that.
The first forty days were mainly a constant blur. We had SO much help. My mama lived with us for nearly two weeks after the birth. We did the traditional Sikh 40 day baby moon. This is a time where the family bonds with the new baby or babies. We don’t have visitors, and my parents take over the housework, and cooking. At least that’s how it was with Grace and Ava. However, this time was very different.
We must have the most amazing family and friends. Within hours of Granger and Finn’s birth we had offers for another carseat, baby gear galore, so many baby boy clothes. And over the next few days packages started arriving. Diapers. Clothing. Toys. Books. A group of friends started a meal train for us, and we had enough meals to spread out over six weeks. My parents still did a lot of cooking and cleaning and running the girls to school, and baby holding, and and and…but our friends and other family members really helped cushion us as we made the transition. Another friend set up a diaper service for us, and family and friends donated enough to keep it going for the first THREE months. After the forty days, another friend bought us an entire week’s worth of vegan meals and had them delivered. I am still completely humbled by the outpouring of support we received. One of the big lessons I learned this year was how to accept help. I really needed to learn that, and thank you so much all of you who helped teach me.
I was still recovering from the flu for the first 2 weeks post partum. During that time I barely left the bed in the birth room. I could not seem to shake it between the sleep deprivation, caring for two infants, and recovering from the birth. It’s probably the only time in my life that I both very much wanted to live, and felt trapped in a body that didn’t work. That part. The whole trapped in the body thing, was awful.
But back to the 40 days. The first day or two I was positively elated. I couldn’t get over the excitement at the same time that I was sick as a dog and not sleeping. This is how surreal that time was. I believe it was the second or third morning after the birth, and mama mentioned that she had dreamt that I had told her we were in the TARDIS and I just cracked up saying that I thought that had been a dream too…but it must have really happened if we both remembered it. The night before, Mama and I were making a futile effort to doze in between nursings. We had sent Tommy upstairs to hopefully get a full night’s sleep so that he could help more during the day shift. I suddenly opened my eyes and smiled wildly at my mother and said “We’re in the TARDIS” (this is a Doctor Who reference in case you aren’t familiar.) But that’s how strange that time was. I had suddenly made the connection that time travel was real, and that somehow I was being contained in a space ship that was bigger on the inside that on the outside…hence surprise twins….whatever, it made sense at the time.
Sometimes I’m frustrated when I don’t plan enough time to get out the door on time. And then I remember back. Back to leaking from every orifice. Back to having vertigo from being overwhelmed. Back to the army of people that I had helping me, and still not having enough time to comb my hair. Back to the baby shuffle (as I called it). Back to the terror that I sometimes felt at the beginning of a week…not knowing how I could possibly manage. Oh yeah, and back to the joy. I don’t think I could possibly feel that amount of unbridled joy ever again in my life. I would live it all again in a heartbeat.
Happy Birthday Baby Boys! And thank you. I was hemming and hawing as I wrote this hoping I wouldn’t forget to thank anyone. Tommy pointed out that I could thank our village forever and it would never be enough. But here I go anyway.Thank you to everyone who has loved us through this process. You’ll never know the depth of our gratitude.