My dearest readers, it’s taken a while to coordinate schedules with my guest blogger for today. But I think you’ll agree it was worth the wait. Without further ado, in his debut blog post, I present Finn.
When my brubba (Granger) did his guest post, he sort of did one of those day in the life things. I’m not really feeling that. In fact, I’m feeling a little aggravated and screechy.
I want to tell you the top 20 things that are annoying me right now. I’m working on my counting. Let me know how I do.
20. Being put in the car first. This means I have to wait extra while Mamama gets my brubba into the car.
47. Being put in the car last. This means I have to wait extra while Mamama gets my brubba out of the car.
11. Strollers. These contraptions are sticky…and what I mean by that is that they hold onto my midsection with these straps and I try to get away but Mamama always catches me as I start to dangle by my crotch.
6. Jail. Our house now has jail doors EVERYWHERE. When Mamama goes in the forbidden room of food, or up the stairs, I stand at the jail door and voice my displeasure. My voice is like a pterodactyl.
IV. When my brother gets held and I don’t. This also brings pterodactyl screeches…or pinching, or biting or smacking.
100. When mamama takes me away from something first…no fair. Mamama is not always fair. She sometimes takes me away from a fun toy (like the shoes in the shoe closet) first…leaving my brubba literally seconds longer to lick and chew at will.
3. Baths. I think this one is self explanatory. Ugh.
3. Diaper rash. Ouch my bottom HURTS.
4. Diaper changes when someone won’t leave your face alone. On a related note, when I am crying because my bottom hurts and I must have a diaper change, brubba needs to learn that what I don’t need is a smack in the face. Seriously.
Having someone go fishing for your hard earned tasty treats in your mouth. My mamama claims that she does the baby led solids approach to introducing food, but if she really wanted to follow my lead I think she would let me eat more paper, and or dog hair off the floor. I also like dirt and dried leaves. These are all things that have been fished quite unceremoniously from my mouth. A little solidarity from Brubba would be nice. He sometimes fishes his own tasty treat out of his mouth and hands it over to the adult. Lame. This is not how the resistance is won.
Mamama getting my custom knit sweater vest mixed up with my brother’s. Brown, Finn. Light gray, Granger. It’s not that hard. And yet, she messes this up constantly. Maybe her designer friend Jennie can talk to her about this. How am I supposed to form my own identity if she can’t even keep my clothes differentiated from my brubba’s?!
Car seats that are too small. My word, they finally got us into big boy carseats. How much does a guy have to grow to sit up a little higher in the car?!
32. Diaper changes. They actually try to get me to lay down for these. Diaper rash aside, I just hate sitting still…so I don’t and I won’t.
2. Nap time. See 32 on sitting still.
VII. Dr. Who references. I get it Dadada. You like Doctor Who. That does not mean that every time I say “dododo” you need to say “frojokomojoloko” like those weird rhino aliens. That’s irritating and I also feel like you aren’t listening to what I’m actually telling you.
7. School pickup time. So every weekday we have to go pick up my big sister Grace from school. I hate this because we have to wait and wait in the car, and most of that time the car isn’t even driving. Have you ever tried rear facing in a car seat without even going anywhere. Torture. Pure torture.
1. How slow Brubba eats. Seriously dude. I can’t believe we shared a womb. You just let your food sit on the table. Sometimes I just can’t take it anymore and I decide to eat his food. I mean, he must not appreciate food the way that I do…or the way my Aunt Goodi does for that matter..
1. Oh wait, no this one is number one. When brubba gags on perfectly good food. food. It’s called texture man. It’s not a big deal. You don’t need to gag on every grainy bit of oatmeal….here…let me show you.